Welcome dear reader,
This blog is my personal reflection on themes, adventures and experiences from my life which I hope to share with you in order to inspire you on your own way through life. I have chosen the Noble Eightfold Path, a basic principle from Buddhism as my guiding way through life.
I always grew up carelessly and although I was bullied a lot in school, I was still happy with life as it was. As a child, I loved exploring, both the inside of my mind as the outside world and I was always busy gaining knowledge and new insights. I dreamt of further discovering the world in all its colours and aspects. I eventually made my way to University and studies Archaeology there, focusing on Egyptology and Near Eastern Archaeology with a wide spectrum of other courses including religious studies, (military) history and anthropology.
My life changed dramtically midway through my studies in 2007 when I returned back home from an intense twelve weeks excavating in Syria. My mother was diagnosed with a severe form of Bipolar Disorder, combined with an intense depression while my father suffered from cancer and two heart attacks (but is furtunately still alive). I was terrified of losing my parents and my careless life was shattered instantly. I was forced to leave that phase of life behind.
I developed a personality disorder along with some mental issues related to the trauma I experienced (I will refer to it as post traumatic stress for now, although it is not PTSD) and underwent therapy. All went well untill my mother again broke down in 2013. In finished my studies but I couldn’t find work that connected with my life. I was diagnosed with an obsessive-compulsive Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with signs of agoraphobia. It further took a few broken relationships and further setbacks to make me realise that I suffered extremely, that I was unhappy with life and I couldn’t help it. I came to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I gave up. The end of the line.
At this point I opened a book I bought from a Buddhist monk during my studies. Steve Hagen’s ‘Buddhism Plain and Simple.’ I spent the next weeks reading books about buddhist philosophy and I visited Buddhist temples, filled with questions. I decided to light the lamp of wisdom and embark onto the Noble Eightfold Path, to walk the way of the Buddha.
I am nearing the age of 30 now, I work as a volunteer at an animal shelter/ ambulance and I have a great dog, loving parents and invaluable friends. There are still many setbacks, but I have been following psychotherapy and Buddhism changed my life and it helped me cope with BPD outside of therapy, as well as enjoy the world in all its colours again, just as I wanted when I was a child. Currently, my BPD is in remission, although I am still struggling, but I am trying to find a new way in life, one step at a time.
My mother always told me to ‘do something’ with my skill to write, but apart from writing scientific articles, poems and stories I always looked up to publishing a book. Serveral friends suggested blogging. I never picked up the idea, but eventually I decided to just do it. With this blog I hope to share those colours of life with you, as well as the struggles that cross my path in order to help and inspire readers and to give others more insights into the life of a borderliner…..combined with Buddhism.